Being Sex-Positive in a Sex-Negative World

Firstly it might be necessary to explain what being sex positive means. Sex-positive is a social movement that I believe began in the 1960’s (think “Free Love” and the invention of birth control in pill form) and continues today within a few sub-cultures, one of those being sex-positive feminists, which would naturally include myself. Being sex-positive is simple and means that you believe sex requires only two things:

• Consent.
• Safety.

Safe and consensual sex can differ from person to person. For example, some BDSM practices may be considered unsafe by others, but are truly completely innocuous and consensual between the parties who practice sex in this manner.

Being sex-positive is a huge part of who I am, which makes it extremely infuriating to live in a sex-negative world. Since wherever you look and whoever you talk to, you’ll see people telling you how to have sex and how not to have sex. You’ll see tv shows that tell men watching lesbian sex is hot or magazines that tell women how to please men.

The fact that women are considered sluts if they are promiscuous, but if men “sleep around” it re-asserts their masculinity. That the concept of virginity is heteronormative and traditionalist, isolating certain groups of people who don’t feel virginity is important or who can’t lose their virginity because of their sexual practices/sexuality. (How do you lose your virginity if you’re a lesbian!?)

Wherever you go sex and its traditional or conventional role in society underpins almost everything we consume, harming not only individuals but those groups who don’t conform to our narrow-minded conception of sex. These groups include asexuals, polyamorous persons, and many members of LGBT+.

So what can you do to change sex-negative attitudes in society?

• Don’t listen to them.
• Have sex the way you want to, with who you want, however much you want.
• Don’t buy into media which portrays sex negatively.
• Don’t judge/shame others for their sexual practices, as long as they are safe and consensual.
• Do be open about your sex-positive views.
• Do educate others about the topic and spread the word!