The Problem with Fifty Shades of Grey

I could potentially write about this subject endlessly, since it has a plethora of material I could cite and many, many critics who have spoken out against the relatively recent erotica phenomenon, but instead I’ll discuss why as a self-defining feminist and simultaneously sex-positive person that any discussion regarding Fifty Shades of Grey is inherently problematic. To do so, I’ll break it down into three points of discussion:

1. Fifty Shades of Grey features a BDSM relationship.
   Many people have shown a dislike for the trilogy because of this “fringe” sexual kink, which has previously been widely marginalised. This is a perfectly fine and valid response to a sexual experience which the individual does not enjoy or find appealing. However, a lot of the backlash to this relationship isn’t because of a mere dislike, but because of a conservative and repressive attitude towards sex in general, which leads to intense discomfort and even shaming of those who enjoy BDSM/Fifty Shades of Grey/other sexual kinks.
   However, I personally do dislike the sexual relationship portrayed within the novels since I believe it does not portray a healthy or safe attitude towards practicing BDSM, for many reasons. It’s hard to express this particular dislike when many people focus upon a dislike of BDSM, rather than a dislike of it’s execution.
   
2. Fifty Shades of Grey portrays a “typical” heterosexual relationship.
   The set up reflects many conventional concepts about romance in the 21st century: a white, heterosexual, cisgendered man who has a lot of money, power and is generally considered attractive. This cis-het-white man becomes enamoured by a shy, passive, young and impressionable white-het-cis woman, who is virginal and extremely naive in many areas. Already the premise sets us up for a huge power imbalance and instead of dissuading us from this notion, Fifty Shades reinforces it. Inspired heavily by the tragically flawed Twilight Saga, Fifty Shades of Grey also inherits many of it’s signifiers for an abusive relationship.
   The couple fail to communicate properly frequently, romantically and during sex, which leads to many uncomfortably awkward scenes in which Anna is emotionally manipulated, physically threatened, or coerced into engaging in sex acts she has very little knowledge about. By framing this as a “typical romance”, we reinforce the gendered stereotypes about power, virginity, sex, and abuse which are already destructive in our society.
   However, this doesn’t mean that heterosexual couples who like BDSM are inherently anti-feminist or wrong, which is extremely hard to express when talking about Fifty Shades, it is all the minute facets of their characters which derive from tired, centuries-old tropes about women and men which is the problem. The BDSM just complicates things.

I have refrained from using direct quotations, but there are many critics who have discussed Fifty Shades more indepth, I’ve just attempted to give a brief summation of the incompatibility of Fifty Shades with my political and moral outlook.

For more information head here:

http://therumpus.net/2012/05/the-trouble-with-prince-charming-or-he-who-trespassed-against-us/ (Roxane Gay is phenomenal, read anything and everything she’s ever written.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o92hv7La9Sk (LACI GREEN WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE)
http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-08-15/study-50-shades-of-grey-perpetuates-abusive-relationships/
https://50shadesofabuse.wordpress.com/
http://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/feb/10/fifty-shades-of-grey-protests-imax
http://www.mamamia.com.au/wellbeing/fifty-shades-of-grey-is-actually-physical-assault/

Being Sex-Positive in a Sex-Negative World

Firstly it might be necessary to explain what being sex positive means. Sex-positive is a social movement that I believe began in the 1960’s (think “Free Love” and the invention of birth control in pill form) and continues today within a few sub-cultures, one of those being sex-positive feminists, which would naturally include myself. Being sex-positive is simple and means that you believe sex requires only two things:

• Consent.
• Safety.

Safe and consensual sex can differ from person to person. For example, some BDSM practices may be considered unsafe by others, but are truly completely innocuous and consensual between the parties who practice sex in this manner.

Being sex-positive is a huge part of who I am, which makes it extremely infuriating to live in a sex-negative world. Since wherever you look and whoever you talk to, you’ll see people telling you how to have sex and how not to have sex. You’ll see tv shows that tell men watching lesbian sex is hot or magazines that tell women how to please men.

The fact that women are considered sluts if they are promiscuous, but if men “sleep around” it re-asserts their masculinity. That the concept of virginity is heteronormative and traditionalist, isolating certain groups of people who don’t feel virginity is important or who can’t lose their virginity because of their sexual practices/sexuality. (How do you lose your virginity if you’re a lesbian!?)

Wherever you go sex and its traditional or conventional role in society underpins almost everything we consume, harming not only individuals but those groups who don’t conform to our narrow-minded conception of sex. These groups include asexuals, polyamorous persons, and many members of LGBT+.

So what can you do to change sex-negative attitudes in society?

• Don’t listen to them.
• Have sex the way you want to, with who you want, however much you want.
• Don’t buy into media which portrays sex negatively.
• Don’t judge/shame others for their sexual practices, as long as they are safe and consensual.
• Do be open about your sex-positive views.
• Do educate others about the topic and spread the word!